I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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