I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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