I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
