I am spending my child support on dildos
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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