Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
