I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
