found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
