So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
