...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
