"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
