I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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