Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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