I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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