I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
