White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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