How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
