barbara walters just said penis...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize