Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
