her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
