He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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