Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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