i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
