evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
