i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Boobs speak an international language.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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