We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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