Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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