I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
