I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
