We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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