It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
