I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
