Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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