Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
