My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
