I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize