Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
