I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
