this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
