I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
