dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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