Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you win again, gameday.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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