on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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