he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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