thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize