Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
