There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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