put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
