We got so high we made milksteak
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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