dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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