I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
