I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize