it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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