and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
