Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
