1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
