he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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