dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
