I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
