You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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