dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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