i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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