It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Randomize
