3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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