Porn is love you can see.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
