i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
