Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
