nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
