he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
