Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
